Trapped In or Standing Tall?

Maybe it’s our 5th wedding anniversary that is approaching or because there seems to be an abundance of young couples nearing matrimony; but I’ve been thinking about marriage. Now what I’ve been thinking is not some sort of newfangled theory of spousal communication or marital psychology; what I’ve been thinking about are simply new analogies for how some view marriage and how one should view marriage.

First of all, I thought of this because there are already “illustrations” of marraige or analogies that our culture uses for marriage all the time. Marriage is depicted as a “prison” (you know, the “ol’ ball and chain”) or as “game over”. All very negative analogies. The analogies I thought of depict a negative way that many view marriage and the complete opposite way of viewing marriage. I’ll start with the negative.

Many who say they are not ready for marriage, won’t ever be ready for marriage, or don’t like the idea of marriage think so because they don’t like the idea of being “tied down” or “held back” from their current lifestyle. The translation for this is that these folks basically value their freedom and apparent autonomy above anything (or anyone) else in the world. The analogy for their view of marriage is that a married lifestyle is like that of the firefighters that are trapped under all the rubble at the end of the movie World Trade Center (based on true stories). Like the firefighters, married couples are trapped in by insurmountable limitations and are being suffocated by their lack of freedom (figuratively, that is). To ask someone who sees marriage as being “tied down” is to ask someone to voluntarily be buried alive. With this analogy and view of marriage it’s no wonder why folks are waiting longer and longer to be married.

I would like to offer a different analogy and view of marriage.

I see entering marriage as though I were one of the brave Spartan men during the battle of Thermopylae (as in the movie “300″). Like those entering marriage, the men entered the battle with full knowledge of the hardships ahead. Marriage has its hardships. No one said it is easy. And the enemy isn’t one’s spouce (despite what many might have you believe). There are many enemies of marriage that are not one’s spouse. The enemies are all the enemies of faithfulness and committment; laziness, dishonesty, selfishness. These are all enemies that spouses fight to maintain a working marriage. But like the brave Spartans, we voluntarily enter this courageous battle because we believe that there is something radically great worth fighting for. We are not forced into this battle and do not cower into this hardship. We are not trapped in this lifestyle. Like the Spartans, we stand tall as we enter a marriage. The reward is not just emotional, or physical, or spiritual. It is all of that. And dispite the hardships that are inevitable we continue to “hold the line” with every anniversary that we celebrate.

Each time someone engages in marriage they trade the cowardly view that marriage makes you “tied down” and realizes that standing tall for one’s marriage is something of incredible value.

Are we trapped in, or standing tall?